Who is in charge? As you care for your parent, and as roles change, there sometimes can be “growing pains” as to who is in charge. You want them to remain as independent for as long as possible.... Certainly you want them to make decisions about their care when possible but also sometimes you may have a more clear picture of their needs. I remember the classic story of dad.... He had been falling alot (a whole other set of stories, not to mention that he was on blood thinning medicines!) and we really wanted him to get some physical therapy to get better balance and be stronger. He was in good health other than the falls. We pondered this for a long time and finally talked to the doctor. Even though dad thought he was just fine and told the doctor so, we managed to convince the doctor to write a “doctorʼs order” to get some physical therapy. Dad was still saying that he did not need this and that he was fine and would be “more careful”..... We finally went through all of the red tape to gain access to a therapist who would come to his home a few times and teach him some exercises to make him stronger and hopefully have less falls.
Weeks went by and we kept waiting to hear from the therapist. Finally, my sisters and I were comparing notes at dinner one night and asking if any of us had heard back from the therapist...and wondering why we had not! How rude we concluded! When, after much discussion about what to do next, dad chirps in....”Oh that guy has been driving me crazy calling. I told him not to come!” Imagine our exasperation when we discovered this little fact! We finally did arrange therapy and a wonderful man came and helped dad learn some exercises and techniques to help keep him ambulatory!
MORAL of the story: Communicate often and well; and use gentle force to get the services they need.
