too busy

TOO BUSY? It’s that time of year again.... the busyness is taking over.... if you are a true sandwich generation member, you are now facing adding some “ever-so-worthy” end of the year activities to an already full schedule. Now taking your parent to the doctor and bringing them a meal is sandwiched between the end of the year musical and end of the year soccer party. And don’t forget the end of the wedding shower for the favorite teacher who has just been engaged and the well meaning friend organizing the end of the year pool party for the whole class. How do we balance the have-to’s from the rest? Matthew 11 says 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.".... So what can we learn? Weary--those tired from hard toil; Burdened--those loaded down.... Are these you? A yoke is a device for joining together a pair of animals, esp. oxen; so when we take HIS yoke, we can first learn from him, and second of all, find rest.....Yoke’s are designed to take the burden of ONE and shift it to TWO. When we bring our cares to Jesus, he doesn’t just listen, he lightens the load. As much as you don’t think you have extra time to spend with HIM in this busy spring season, it actually may be JUST the thing you need to make your load lighter. It may not be in the form of removing physical items from your TO DO list (but it may!) but may be in the form of helping you make good choices of your time and being more calm, loving and patient. Your parent is in a season that they probably don’t understand your busyness so we can learn from them and try to slow down, prioritizing what must stay and what can go. But equally important, when we have have spent time with God, we can love others well. Don’t make the mistake of taking time with HIM off your list, thinking it will clear your plate of one thing. That’s the VERY THING that will keep you able to persevere and able to finish well.

slow

SLOW.... Letʼs face it.... for most of us, slow is a bad word.... slow refers to traffic and lines at the grocery store and well, many times, our aging parents. I remember the ultimate feeling of slow.... It was Christmas morning. My kids were awake and we called Poppa at his guest house to come over before the kids were allowed to look at what Santa had brought. We always played a game called “Hide baby Jesus” to at least think about what the day really meant before we commercialized it with excessive gift giving. It seemed that we waited and waited and waited. Finally, he came over and we had a nice Christmas morning. But I remember feeling so impatient--what was taking so long? My kids were bouncing off the walls but maybe it was a good lesson to them that not EVERYTHING revolves around them. (shocking, I know!)..... I also think it is good for US to remember to include plenty of margin in our day when we are caring for them. There is no way to serve really well if you are in a hurry. If you get huffy that they have forgotten their medication to take to the doctor because you are rushed, they will sense your frustration and feel badly for the trouble they perceive they are causing you. Not rushing, means allowing enough time to get them dressed, and perhaps one last trip to the bathroom, extra time for going to and from the car, getting in the car and buckling, folding up walker or wheel chair, etc.... You get the point if you at in this stage..... Allowing enough time makes the difference between an enjoyable outing or short snappy answer and attitude towards them. If you have had a frustrating outing, good news: Tomorrow is a new day! Love them well. Aging really does cause you to respond and move slower-I am already feeling it! They are probably doing the best they can! Grace--give it and you will be blessed!

It's not my turn

Itʼs Not My Turn

Do you know when you have “that feeling”....Something that leads you to act in a way that doesnʼt make logical sense. I remember well when I was prompted by the Holy Spirit, obeyed and am so thankful that I did. As you know, in caring for your parent, there are days when you feel overwhelmed.... appointments, errands, groceries, laundry, phone calls all for them... the list can go on and on.... As dad began to get weaker, the list of my/my sisterʼs responsibilities grew. We took turns when it came to the doctorʼs appointments and these appointments became closer and closer together. Sometimes it was overwhelming. Getting him safely in the car, folding up his walker, helping to buckle, some of you know the drill........If we knew we had one month or 50 months, we could have dealt with every detail so well--it was that unknown...... In April 2007, one appointment was coming up and it was my sisterʼs turn to take him. It was her turn. It was not my turn. I had taken him to the last appointment. In my head, I rationalized that it WAS NOT my turn. Why I kept thinking about it over and over, I did not know. I called my friend, Holly, who I knew would agree with me that indeed it WAS NOT

my turn, and that I should let it go. I had a family to care for and it WAS not my turn! She was always a wonderful sounding board with my joys and frustrations and a godly friend with a level head. But what my wise friend said to me was, “Well if you canʼt get it out of your head, maybe you should go?” But it wasnʼt my turn I stomped inside my head in a tantrum. But I DID listen to the wise advice of my friend and not to my own selfish voice and I went to the appointment. I was sure that when we got to this appointment, that there would be some revelation related to his health or some amazing new information during the appointment and that was why I was “supposed” to go. But the appointment came and went and nothing. No new info from the doctor, no new meds, no new diagnoses, nothing...... Untillllllllllllll....., he was admitted by ambulance a few weeks later and THAT appointment was dadʼs last doctorʼs appointment that we ever drove him to. Glad I went? What do you think?

Moral of the story: Listen to that small still voice inside, walk this road with others who love you well, and love and serve the Lord well, by serving your mom or dad. Be still so you hear promptings to do what is right even if it is not your turn!

planning holiday meals

What are we having for Easter dinner?

Celebrating Easter yesterday has reminded me of a pattern that my sisterʼs and I would experience with my dad when it came time for holidays.... Weeks and weeks before any holiday, my dad would start talking about the menu... When he was healthy, he would generously contribute to the menu, shopping and even do some of the food preparation! As he aged, he was obviously less able to help in such tangible ways, so the question of, “What were WE going to make for Easter?” really meant, what were my sisterʼs and I going to make for Easter.....Problem is, for us, weeks away meant we didnʼt necessarily want to think about it quite yet! We all were barely able to take a deep breath as we go thought life before the next commitment, going from event to event and barely keeping up with the next thing on the TO DO list and he was wondering/worrying about the holiday meal! We would tease with him about it -- “Dad, if you donʼt have the Easter food to worry about, what will you come up with to worry about?” Itʼs not that we didnʼt appreciate him or his input...We adored him and his ideas! But he really truly didnʼt have as much responsibility at his older age which is great and appropriate. But, as for the rest of us, we are usually

getting by, day by day! So when he is talking about what to serve for the holiday in question which is weeks away, I am thinking, what I am going to serve for dinner tonight....or even more urgent “how I am going to pick up 2 different kids at 2 different locations this afternoon at the same time”..

Question of the week: What can you take OFF your plate this week so that you can serve your parent well?

But, of course, now, I miss him so much and would love to talk about an upcoming menu anytime! Point for each of us: Slow down! A theme that I keep bringing up? Yes.... Why? because we need to.... How can we serve well, when we are too full or on autopilot.....