Role Reversals...

I recall the irony. At only 24, I remember helping my mom -she was only 60 (seems even younger the older I get!) but she was ever so fragile and frail; she had congestive heart failure. In particular I remember helping her in and out of the bathtub, helping her dry off, put on Estee Lauder powder using a giant fluffy powder puff, ad put on silky jammies. How backwards it seems to be helping those who have always helped you. The natural, yet SO unnatural job of caring for those who have always cared for you; they were the one who cared, shared, ministered, listened, provided strength and perspective. Now the roles reverse and you are the one doing the caring, perhaps decision making and frequently, sacrificing. It is so bittersweet--thankful to be in a position to help and yet the little child in you thinking this isn’t right; almost feels disrespectful. The importance of your role now isn’t one that the world especially values. Our society tends to base someone’s value on what they can do for you. But now it is our turn to care for someone who can’t do it alone.... our turn to help feed, bathe, drive, even help with personal self care sometimes. We will never remember some of the care we received through our illnesses or injuries when we were young. Serving your parent as the one in charge of their physical and emotional health, may feel awkward at times, but is of great service and one of utmost importance.

Doctor's appointments and more doctor's appointments....

When you may be thinking of all the other things you have to do, take heart. Going with your mom or dad to a doctor’s appointment is important! Sometimes, you need to be the interpreter to what is said by the medical staff to your aging parent. My sisters and I can now laugh at a certain appointment where the internist carefully explained to my dad how his blood sugar was elevated and that his body did not have or make enough insulin to carry the nutrients into the cell. At his age and based on the data, the doctor suggested an oral medication that would help his body produce the much needed insulin to assist the nutrients to cross into the cells where they needed to be..... Bottom line, dad got into the car and with relief and excitement shared with my sister, “Well at least I’m not diabetic!” Unfortunately that is exactly what the doctor was telling him! Thankfully, my sister was with him to listen, interpret and re-explain! When you think you are wasting your time at another appointment, think again. You may be the glue that holds your parent’s health together. You know them better than anyone else and are key to transferring important information back and forth between them and the experts.

Encouragement in caring for your elderly parent.....

I, too, have cared for an elderly parent in his last years. I had the joy of having him healthy for 40 something years of my life and the responsibility of serving him in his fragile health for several years. I know the many and varied emotions you have with serving a sick or weak parent. I know that sometimes you feel it is your greatest privilege and how sometimes you feel exhausted and weary and that you cannot go on. I know that when you are with that parent, sometimes you feel like you need to be somewhere else; and when are not with them you are thinking that you should be. We are called the “Sandwich Generation”--living life between caring for our own families and caring for elderly parents, “sandwiched” between these two generations. Hence the title of this newsletter, “Ham and Cheese Please”...I hope to encourage you with devotions from God’s amazing word, scriptures to memorize and remember when you are feeling tested, and stories to help you get perspective, which is what we all need sometimes to separate the urgent from the important. Just as the world tells young moms she is wasting her time caring for preschoolers at home, so the world values jobs with important titles over caring for elderly parents. The title of Director of something, anything really (work ministry, doesn’t matter!), seems so

much more glamorous than taking my dad to the doctor or bringing him a meal. But guess what? My season of caring for him is over and I wouldn’t trade one single doctor’s appointment or La Madeline quiche that I brought him. I miss him dearly and hope I can help you gain perspective, not creating guilt, but in helping you remember what is truly important and how, this too, will pass. I want to encourage you to FINISH WELL--don’t grow weary, don’t do it in your own strength and don’t give up the high calling of serving your parent.